Why seek refuge in denial?

Denial per the Webster dictionary is "the refusal to admit the truth or reality".  Wow, who hasn't fallen to this?  Or have you?  Or are you denying that you have fallen prey to denial?  Don't worry, most people have.  I know I have.  It's so easy as things start to go wrong in your life and you just act like they are not.  Simple huh?  But not really because it is so destructive.  Why do we seek refuge in denial?  Wouldn't it be easier just to say exactly what is going on at the time it is happening?  Does fear stop us in our tracks?

It's so easy to deny what we feel when we are going to hurt people we love or when we are embarrassed by what we did or what occurred because of our actions.  But in the long run we all suffer more because we hide in the denial or we make others suffer because we weren't strong enough to stop what we or someone else was doing.

Just look at Jerry Sundusky's case for instance.  He was convicted of sexually assaulting 10 boys over 15 years.  Not only did several of the victims testify against him but one occurrence was witnessed by a Penn State employee.  To this day Jerry Sundusky and his wife deny that this ever happened.

Also, even though several priest have been convicted of sexual abuse of young boys, the church has never come out publically and said that this is a problem within the church.  Instead they hide it and try to falsely convey that this is only a select few individuals.  If you see one mouse in the house, you should take for granted there are many more! 

These are high profile cases and individuals that take comfort in denial, but we all do it.  Hopefully we can recognize it sooner before we hurt ourselves or others around us. 

Why do we allow fear to control us and find refuge in denial?

Update on my blog "Why now?"

I commented on a previous blog that Pope Francis quoted that homosexuals should be integrated into society.  A quote from Hiliary Clinton nailed it on the head!

http://www.upworthy.com/the-truth-about-gay-people?c=ufb2

Why do we care about color?

Why do we care so much about the color of other people's skin?  What makes this society think that one color is better than the other?  Isn't that judging?  Isn't that completely against the way to get into heaven?  Isn't it about being good and kind to others? 

Why spend the time and energy on thinking you are better because you are white?  So much time is wasted on judging other people. Is that how we deal with our own imperfections by making someone else feel bad about themselves?  How sad is that! Please view the link below.

http://www.upworthy.com/she-turned-up-at-her-job-and-someone-had-the-nerve-to-say-these-12-words-to-her?c=ufb1

Why do we eat our young?

If anyone knows me very well then they know I am a huge advocate for decreasing child abuse at all levels.  I cannot comprehend what makes an adult hurt a helpless child.  Are we so weak and insecure that we find something that is so fragile to take our anger out on that it actually makes us feel better? Or in control? Or powerful?  Or sexually fulfilled? Why is it that so many children are abused in the United States.  Every year 3 million child abuse cases are reported which involve more than 6 million children (each report can include multiple children).  And between 4 to 6 children die each day from this abuse and/or neglect.  I found this information on the following website: http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics/.

Why does this happen and why isn't there an outcry against all this emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse?  I think so many of these kids that are being abused aren't getting the help they need and grow into angry adults because no one was in their home to protect them.  And then they become repeat offenders, either against their own children or other people's children.  Anyone who is reading this blog is probably saying, "well of course", but then why aren't we trying to stop it?  Isn't this the true problem in our society that we don't protect our young?  Society loves to blame individuals that live a different life style, like being homosexual, and that they are the root cause of demoralizing our nation but that is crap!  It is how our children are being treated and then what they grow up into. 

We should be looking at how do we stop repeat offenders who were abused as children.  How do we educate them and help them not harm other children?  Doesn't this make sense?  It seems so obvious to me. 

So if you look at the above statistics, which are alarming and look back at my previous blog where I stated that there are 1.2 million abortions per year in the United States, does it make you think?  If these 1.2 million children were born each year who were unwanted to begin with, would this even make our child abuse cases rise even further?  Would even more children suffer from neglect and abuse and possible die from this abuse?  I think we better solve the first problem of abuse before we try to bring even more children into this crazy messed up world we live in.

So this brings me to my next question.  Why is birth control such a big issue when child abuse at all levels is out of control in our country?  Is abortion of a fetus more important than the health and welfare and life of a child who has already been born? 

The Why questions on abortion.

Why are you pro-choice?  Why are you against pro-life?  Roe vs Wade was upheld in 1973 and there are approximately 1.2 million abortions each year in this country.  Seems like a large number but I was wondering how this would play out if abortion was completely illegal, even in regards to incest, rape, and the health and welfare of the mother?  Let's say that these 1.2 million babies were born each year but first let's put some perspectives into place.  Why do women get abortions?  Let's see, the obvious choice is that women have unprotected sex and use abortion as birth control.  Now using abortion for birth control seems absolutely ridiculous when there are multitudes of different kinds of birth control methods out there that are easily accessible.  Well as long as they remain easily accessible.  But let's move on.

Next obvious choice for women to seek an abortion would be because they became pregnant through incest or rape.  Well hands down, I think anyone can see why a woman would be incline to terminate a pregnancy after incest or rape.  But what if abortion was illegal in these situations and we force these women to have these unwanted children who were sired unwilling.  First of all, how do we keep these women from dealing with all the emotional pain and trauma that goes along with the physical trauma they just endured from the rape and incest?  Also, once the child is born, who is going to raise it?  Do we force these women to raise these unwanted children?  How do we force them to be good parents, to not abuse the child and to show the child love and tenderness? Or don't we as a society even care about that part of it?  And if the man goes to jail for the rape and/or incest, then who is going to help pay for this child's well-being?  The government?  I mean we did just make her have this child that she didn't want.  Instead, what if all these children were put up for adoption? Who is going to adopt 1.2 million children each year in this economy?  Now granted there are wonderful individuals out there wanting a child desperately but 1.2 million per year?

The third reason for an abortion, and what I find to be somewhat of a no brainer, is the health and welfare of the mother.  Where does it state anywhere that the welfare of the fetus is more important than the welfare of the mother?  Now these are extreme cases but they do happen.  And how can it be anyone's choice on how this situation is to be handled except for the mother herself, the father and their doctor?  It's so easy to say, "Well I would do this in this situation."  Why does anyone think they know what is best unless they have been in that exact situation.

I've asked myself these questions which lead to my own opinion on abortion.  I find I am neither for or against.  Because there are so many different situations for why abortions are done.  I have never been raped or molested and I've never had to choose between my life and my child's.  So that being said, I would never bring judgment down on anyone who made a decision based on those situations.  And since birth control, for now is easily accessible, there is no reason to use abortion for birth control.  And I'm not judging anyone, I am just stating a fact.

And one last Why question.  Why would any employer refuse their female employees birth control?  98% of Catholics use birth control.  What is seriously wrong with this picture?

Why do you care?

Why do you care so much about if I go to church and what church I attend?  I've lived in states where that is the first thing out of people's mouths when they meet me is "Where do you go to church?"  It is as if this defines who I am.  I personally would rather you ask me if I were kind to others today.  Did I help someone in need?  Did I treat each and every person I encountered today with kindness, respect and with equality?  Ask me those questions and I will answer and make myself think about my day.  Did I do the best I could to follow the good and kindness that the church is suppose to represents? That's what I want to define me.  Not what church I attend. 

It makes me want to build a church.  A Church of Good and Kindness.  A church without any walls, no ceilings and no floors.  There's no maintenance required, no utility bills to pay and no employees, well except the employees of good and kindness.  These employees are paid with the self-gratification of doing something good and kind for others.  They live by this motto.  They don't need to go to a building to worship and they don't need a place to go so they fit in.  Just the opposite, they take each day and try to help others in need, if just by picking up a can of soup that a grocery clerk dropped.  If it's just letting someone go ahead of you in line because they are in a hurry.  Now this is everyday stuff that we all should be practicing but how many actually do it, but don't miss a Sunday sitting in a church pew all dressed up asking God to help them be better and to forgive their sins.  But what if, just what if instead of spending an hour every Sunday going to a building that cost a lot of money to build and maintain, that hour and money be spent showing our children how to help others.  Sitting down at the kitchen table with your spouse and/or children talking and discussing how you can individually and as a group make society better. Take the money that you would have put in the collection basket and give it to a family in need or a cancer patient that cannot afford his/her cancer treatment. Can you imagine the value that this would have on our children in today's society?  Letting them be a part of a weekly decision on who are we (your family) going to help this week? 

I think this concept is difficult for many to understand because we have been programmed by our parents, clergy and society at large that a congregation is the center of religion and it is through that center where goodness comes from.  But if you were to really think of what the center is, isn't each of us as individuals providing that goodness to each other?  Would it even matter if we never stepped into a church and just practiced what each of us and the bible preaches?  Wouldn't God be grateful and bless us with all his serenity just for being good to each other? 

Why now?

Over the last several months, there has been a lot of discussion about Pope Francis's comment on homosexuality. I keep asking Why now?  Pope Francis made the comment to reporters that "If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?  We shouldn't marginalize people for this.  They must be integrated into society." There is a large part of me that feels that Pope Francis truly does feel this way, but there is also a part of me that feels it needed to be done.  I've worked for enough large corporations when sales and profits were down and something major had to happen.  The church's attendance of parishioners has been declining sharply over the last decade which in turn means so is donations to the church.  What does a big business or corporation do when revenue is down?  They either lay off or redo their business plan!  Well we can't have a bunch of cardinals and priest running around unemployed and filing for unemployment, so I'm sure the latter was the better choice.  And when a business whose sales and revenue are down, they play to their public at large.  Hmmmm what will get people back into the church's doors with their pocket books open....Let the homosexuals in without judgment!

Now this is what I don't understand, the Bible preaches that homosexuality is a sin, not just homosexuals that don't believe in Christianity, but all homosexuals.  Is the Bible going to be rewritten?  I mean it could be.  It was written by man to start with.  A few changes here and there, who's going to know. 

I have to admit though, my favorite part of Pope Francis's quote is that "they should be integrated into society".  Really, how kind of you.  We are of all the same society, regardless of color, race, religion, gender or sexual preference.  It shouldn't have to be spoken from the Pope's mouth to allow these individuals to participate in society and be treated with kindness just like anyone else.  I personally don't have to have the Pope tell me to be nice to everyone.

So this brings me to my Why question.  Why do others?  Why do other's have to hear the Pope say it's ok to be kind and loving to people that aren't like them?  Are we that flaccid as a society?  That's pretty scary if we are.

The power of Asking Why!

I don't know if it is because I am the youngest of four children and took part in raising my youngest brother who is ten and half years younger than I am, but I cannot stop asking why.  Why pops into my head every time I hear a politician speak on what he stands for or when someone is speaking out on their religious or political views.  I always seem to want more answers.  When watching Meet the Press or other television commentary shows that encourage discussion whether on politics, religion, or the flavor of the month discussion, I want the commentators to go one step further and ask one more question.   Sometimes I wonder why I care so much.  I've even had friends ask me why I care so much and my only response back to them is "Why don't you?" 

I have become infatuated with the word Why.  Every question that starts with why is an opened-ended question which can only spur a great discussion. That fascinates me because most people want to state their opinion but they don't want to be asked why they feel that way or why they did what they did.  One Why question can lead to another Why question to keep the discussion going until an understanding is agreed upon or all answers are on the table.  And in regards to politics, religion and other world views, asking why can help dig for the real answers, not ones that are fabricated to hide dirty little secrets.  For instance, why is it alright for a senator to say he is against abortion when he has had an affair in the past with his secretary and had her have an abortion to keep the affair hidden?  Does he really believe in abortion or is he just looking for votes from his constituents that also say they are against abortion?  What's real, what's true?  That leads to other great W words, such as when, what, where and who but I like asking why to get the discussion started!

I have so many questions and wonder if other people are feeling the same way as I do?  When we listen to politicians and religious leaders are we only getting half-truths?  Why do we just take for granted what they are saying is being said to better society?  Maybe it is to just better their own inner circle.  The only way to really know is to keep asking questions that stimulate conversation. And we should be able to ask these questions freely without being labeled as an anti-patriot or sacrilegious. It is easier to label the person negatively instead of answering the difficult question.  People lose their comfort level when they are being asked difficult Why questions because it is impossible to answer a Why question with just yes or no.  I feel it is even more important to start teaching children to ask open-ended Why questions to help them verbalize what they are feeling instead of teaching them to silence their thoughts and feelings. I'm hoping that if they are taught at a young age that it will span into their adulthood and our children will know how to start a discussion and actively participate in educated conversations.  So many parents say to their children, "Because I said so" which inhibits their children's need for discussion but what is interesting is that no politician or religious leader would take the liberty of saying those words without sounding like a dictator. So start asking Why more often!!

My blogs from here on out will pertain to certain topics regarding politics, religion, world views, rights of men, women, children and animals and anything and everything where I need to know Why!  Thank you ahead of time for reading and commenting on my blog.  I welcome any Why questions  and answers to my Why questions that come my way!!